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The Lumpy Loveseat Chronicles: Part 1 The Lumpectomy

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Greetings, #JohnsArmy! Today we begin a new series, The Lumpy Loveseat Chronicles. If you don’t know who Lumpy is, I’m here to fill you in like… like partially hydrogenated vegetable shortening and dextrose fill in a Twinkie. I often veer toward food metaphors/analogies, and in this instance it fits snugly. Like Stacy Abrams in wet scuba gear. *shudders violently*.

Lumpy Loveseat is the nickname some quirky quipster bestowed upon one Matt Couch of DC Patriot “fame”. In this series, I will expose Dumpy Davenport for who he really is; an infiltrator. Accent on the TRAITOR. Yes, I said it. Matt Couch/Lumpy Loveseat is an infilTRAITOR. I will begin by highlighting a tweet from our friend/hero/patriot/whistleblower/interpretive pole dancer and soon to be Senator, Dr. Jon A. McGreevey. Incidentally, you can now donate to Jon’s campaign fund right here on this site! Big thanks to Philly Q for creating the awesome design for the donate button… We’re so glad to have her here with us! Be sure to check out the Q clock – Philly updates it every day and that is so very cool.

So just who is this Chunky Chesterfield, Matt Couch? Who are his (marshmallow) peeps? To quote a terrific pig, let’s get into it!

For the longest time, Lumpy’s Twitter (love) handle was @realmattcouch. How about @keepitrealmattcouch? He dubs himself a “politician” on his Facebook profile “Matt Couch for Mayor (McCheese)”.  

Matt and Santa???

His current Twitter handle is @ProfessorMattCouch. Professor? Where and when did you acquire your PhD, oh giver of knowledge? What is it you teach, and who are your students? Who serves with you on the staff there at Grifter University? Is Professor SantaSurfing one of your co-ho-ho-horts in your higher education endeavors at G.U? See, ordinarily one would think you and Santa are running two separate scams. Like, there’s an Obama camp and a Hillary camp. Both bad, just different camps. Some campers camp at the same campground and form their own alliances within, and that’s what I believe is happening here. You’re each the star of your own little show or channel or website; the celebrity and the hero of your own fictional stories. But you dog whistle to each other through other G-dubs alumni, in order to make some more bank. Allow me to demonstrate:

Now who does the white-bearded/negative image remind you of?  Just another one of those pesky coincidences, you say? Hark:

You can see that Lumpy retweeted this horrible Bob Seger lyric from Beard Vet, one of his main partners in skeezery. He retweets him and boosts Beard-o incessantly. At the same time, Santa (who now goes by @sammysilvercoin or some such) tweeted out the following:

So the mirror image of Lumpy’s Coffee Boy is an image of Santa, and Santa tweets out Bob Seger songs at the exact same time as said Coffee Boy. Another coincidence of mathematically impossible proportions, I reckon. No way they could all be working together and virtue signaling, that’s crazy! Or is it? We’re going to address that further, and how it relates to the events that led up to January 6. You read that right! More importantly, we’ll infiltrate Mr. Infiltraitor to see what part he may have played in the directing, planning and/or witnessing of some of those events. First let’s check out some examples of Lumpy’s confusion as to who he is and what he stands for:

The esteemed instructor retweeted Catturd’s notion that college is the biggest scam in the USA. Wait… If you’re a Professor, aren’t you only further perpetuating the scam you both participate in and decry at the same time?  Here is the REAL Professor Matt Couch.

Who the heck are you? Let’s explore further:

I hope you told your daughter your superpower would be the ability to fly, or to be invisible, or to bench press a Buick. Please tell me she didn’t have to suffer through hearing this tripe. To “not read” is neither super nor a power. What you referred to is a whole other power. It’s called WILLPOWER, a word that is clearly not in your tiny dic*  tionary.  Willpower means control and restraint. I’m using it now to keep myself from pointing out your obvious obliviousness to the word in other matters.

In these tweets, the Lumpmeister scolds his haters and accuses them of not being good Christians for speaking out about busted old pornstress Brandi Love being booted from the TPUSA event (Turning Point USA, a nonprofit organization that advocates for conservative values on high school and college campuses). TPUSA spokesman Andrew Kolvet said in a statement, “As a matter of policy, TPUSA does not allow adult entertainers, influencers, or brands to participate in its events designed for minors.” Makes sense to me.

Love’s love and admiration for Candace Owens quickly evaporated when Ms. Owens said of her ousting, “This was great. I mean, this is exactly right. This is a conference for minors. I have a bigger question: What was she doing there? Anything that is antithetical to family values is not conservative.” I stand with Candace. I standace.

As expected, many from the left took this opportunity to call out true conservatives as hypocritical for not embracing this “Naughty America” she’s literally selling.

A hack writer for the hack Daily Beast called the fact that the TPUSA event was designed for minors “irrelevant”. Say Lumpy, if it were a male porn star, and your underage daughter wanted a picture with him, would you promote that on your Twitter page? Would you sell a t-shirt bearing that image for profit, deeming the fact that she was a minor “irrelevant”? Would you encourage your daughters to get into the smut industry as a father, as a “patriot”, as the “Christian” you describe yourself to be in your Twit bio, in the name of free enterprise? Would you like fries with that? So many questions.

First of all, here is your bill, Mr. Loveseat. You’ve been charged with quoting Brennan Manning and not giving him credit for his own words. Very Biden-esque of you to plagiarize, Lumpman. Additionally, calling someone a “conservative pornstar” is like calling Hunter Biden a “conscientious crackhead”. It’s oxymoronic, and just plain moronic. Words have meaning, Schlumpy. The word “conservative” is defined in the Oxford languages as 1. averse to change or innovation and HOLDING TRADITIONAL VALUES. 2. (in a political context) favoring free enterprise, private ownership and SOCIALLY TRADITIONAL IDEAS. Any thoughts on how her family film “Mom Bangs Teens” lines up with tradition, conservatism, patriotism or Christianity?

The Greek word for pornography, porniea, appears many times in the New Testament. In English it translates to fornication, adultery, whoredom, or sexual immorality. “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.  This is not me opining; this is the Truth you profess to follow. Reconcile that, Lumpford.

 Brandi and Lumpi actually have more in common than just breast size. They’re both phony double-talking hypocrites who just go wherever the money and attention leads them. In a scintillating Daily Beast article, Brandi states “This weekend taught me a lot about people and politics. The Democrats have their fanatics to deal with such as antifa, BLM, and the Squad. The Republicans have theirs to deal with as well, such as this ultra-religious faction and white nationalists”. In other words, people who don’t agree with what she does are automatically put into her basket of deplorables. They’re the right’s version of violent hate groups simply because they disagree with her “lifestyle”. She goes on to say in the article, “I do believe that as a party we need to stop allowing them to separate us into groups and then pander to that group. The so-called culture leaders such as {Turning Point founder} Charlie Kirk, Dan Bongino, Candace {Owens}, etc. are doing what the left does – dividing us.” And in the next breath “And even the religious zealots… As much as I despise them [and] as misguided as they are, they are welcome as long as they don’t harm the rest of us or start behaving like the radical left.” Double double talk talk.

Now why would the Lumpster ditch his alleged sacrosanct Christian beliefs to appease and line up with some peri-menopausal sex peddler? Misogyny is a pattern with him. Back in 2012, Lumpy leapt to the defense of the scandal-ridden coach of his alma mater, Bobby Petrino, after he was caught having an affair with a young blonde, lying about it and covering it up.

 Couch is an infiltrator who helps organize infiltration. He does this by putting together certain people; some good, some not so good, some pure evil. Because he has no honor of his own, he likes to hang around with veterans and law enforcement officers in the hopes that people will automatically associate him with people of honor by proxy. If he surrounds himself with pastors, he must be a Christian, etc. In my opinion, Matt Couch is a recruiter and a handler who comes off more like the director of a crappy community theater production. And now it’s time to dig a little deeper into just what Mr. Loveseat has been involved in organizing. I will do so, Matt Couch, by asking a series of questions about the “Women for America First” march, organized by you and your team. Questions such as:

Why did you take down the three videos you’d posted all over social media where you gave speeches at the marches? In particular, the speech you made in Pittsburgh, as quoted here: 

Why did so many on your team who helped put together this event bust out references to “1776”? Were those codes? Were they comms? Kinda like the Beard-o/Santa/Seger shout-outs?

Did you help coordinate a select few “Women for America First” to infiltrate the Capitol?

Did you coordinate with one (or more) of Team Lumpy to set up a well-intentioned Patriot? A veteran of the United States Military? Not to kill her… Murder wasn’t part of the original plan. Which ironically smacks of Seth Rich… And which leads us to a much more important question…

Did you work in conjunction with your shady associates to provide Ashli Babbitt with the flag she wrapped herself in, so she could be easily identified in the role in which she had unwittingly been cast? 

…………………………………………………….. And now for the BIG ONE …………………………………………………………….

Did you plan to leak what was found on Nancy Pelosi’s laptop so that YOU could be the HERO? Hasn’t that always been your goal? To be the big cheese breaking the big story? Was that the driving force and the cover behind these events you helped set up, ultimately leading to the “Insurrection”?


These are not accusations. These are legitimate questions which demand straight answers. I’ve been in #JohnsArmy from the very beginning, and I’ve seen people come and go. I’ve witnessed betrayal and mutiny and general effery all along the way. You, Santa, Burkman, [Riley]… So many wannabes just tryna get over for their own gain and fame. I’ve also seen folks speak out, step up, stand up against the tyranny you and your fake friends try to pass off as patriotism. Unlike you, Jon has NEVER changed his story to suit anyone’s narrative.  He’s always only told the TRUTH. When you have truth on your side, you don’t have to worry. Maybe you should ask Lin Wood, whom you (and Santa) somehow still oddly support, even though he champions Jon, how he feels about fearlessly standing up for TRUTH.

Last question:

You worried?

You should be.

Part II is coming…